


breathe her in, give me life

by hollyhobbit101



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coming Out, F/F, Falling In Love, First Love, Hurt/Comfort, Lesbian Claire Novak, because I said so, in that everything is the same except kaia doesn't die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-31 10:27:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19424098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollyhobbit101/pseuds/hollyhobbit101
Summary: Claire had never met anyone like Kaia before. She was different, special, from her smile right down to the scars that criss-crossed her body. And yet, it took Kaia almost dying for Claire to finally put a word to what she was feeling.Love. Wholly and completely.





	breathe her in, give me life

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the June Pride SPN Saffic Challenge on tumblr. 
> 
> Title from Wanna Be Missed by Hayley Kiyoko

Claire had never been in a relationship before. Truth be told, she'd never had any interest in men full stop, although at first she'd just assumed that was a perk of growing up in a sheltered, religious, household. Then she'd blamed it on trust issues, after her dad disappeared and her mom left and Randy sold her. Those sorts of things do tend to put a downer on relationships.

But then there'd been that girl from the group home, Bethany. She'd been in the system for a while at that point, and was on Home #6, which was exactly the same as all the others - crowded, loud, and uncaring, despite what the smiley-face posters on the walls all said. No one even bothered to talk to Claire for the first few days - not that she minded - but then Bethany arrived.

They became friends, even though Claire had sworn never to get attached to anyone, ever again. Then, despite herself, Claire began feeling things for Bethany that she knew weren't wholly friendly. That had scared Claire, so she'd run away from that home too, without saying goodbye. It was the longest time she'd ever stayed in a Home, but she regretted leaving all the same.

It wasn't love, what she felt for Bethany. But it was something.

* * *

During her years alone, and even after she moved in with Jody, Claire would go to bars at night, flashing a smile and her fake ID to get her past the bouncers. Men would hit on her, and she would flirt back, but it was never them she ended up making out in alleys with. She never told anyone, certain that Jody would freak if she knew that Claire was going out on her own at night, let alone hooking up with random girls she didn't know.

But it wasn't just that.

Much as Claire hated to admit it, she was scared. She was already a Problem Child, with a broken home and a myriad of issues and a piss poor school record. She didn't need another thing to add to the long list of reasons why she was lucky to even have a stable roof over her head. Of course, logically, she knew that Jody would be fine with it; this was hardly the worst thing Claire had ever told her, after all. But Claire had never been a very logical person, and so the worry persisted, locking the words away in the recesses of her mind.

* * *

Kaia was different. Special, even. Claire knew it from the moment she first laid eyes on her in the hospital, and it only became more evident the longer she spent in her company. And, yeah, sure, Claire knew she shouldn't get attached, but it's just.

She'd never met a girl like Kaia before. Someone who was just as scarred as she was, both physically and not so, someone who had bounced from place to place, never fitting in, never even knowing if she _could_ fit in. And maybe it was a fucking cliche, but Claire thought she could take on the world, as long as Kaia was by her side.

Yet, it wasn't until Kaia almost died in the Bad Place that Claire finally found a word for was she was feeling.

 _Love_.

She loved Kaia, everything about her, from her smile right down to the scars that criss-crossed her body. It was frightening, but not in the way that monsters were frightening, not in the way that the thought of Kaia's death was frightening. It was the good sort, the kind that set off butterflies in her stomach and thrilled her, just a little bit.

Claire stayed by Kaia's side nearly all the time she was unconscious, holding her hand and watching fearfully for any change. It was only when Kaia's eyes cracked open and the beginnings of a smile appeared on her face that Claire finally felt she could breathe again, hastily wiping the tears away as relief washed over her in waves.

Later that day, as Kaia was sleeping, Claire nervously approached Jody where she was still cleaning up the house. "Um, Jody?" she said, her heart suddenly beating a mile a minute. Jody turned and grinned at her, dusting her hands off on her jeans.

"Yeah? Everything okay?"

Claire nodded, twisting her hands together. "Everything's fine. I just... I wanted to tell you something."

"Okay." Jody was still smiling, but her brows were creased with worry, and Claire felt a little guilty for causing that.

"I'm... I think I'm... I think I love Kaia," she said eventually, watching Jody anxiously. Jody didn't say anything for a moment, but then she walked forward and hugged Claire tight. Claire breathed out shakily, burying her face in the crook of Jody's shoulder.

"That's okay," Jody said. "That's okay."

Claire smiled into the embrace, feeling as though she was lighter than she had been since before Jimmy left all those years ago. She returned Jody's hug fiercely, thanking every star in the sky that she had this little family of hers.

And then, a few days later, when Kaia finally kissed her, Claire thought that for once, the world was smiling with her.


End file.
